Bedrock: Beautiful Strange (Chapter 2)

H: What are you reading?

A: Not reading. Just dreaming away, you know, looking at these maps.

H: What kind of maps?

A: That L printed off for our holiday to New York.

…

H: A bit weird, aren’t they?

A: Fascinating though.

H: Strange maps always engage you to dream about worlds that are better than those we’re living in.

A: Ey? Don’t you fuck with me, Husten.

H: I fuck with you all the time. You may have noticed.

 

[giggle][more than ... a giggle]

 

A: I will miss you.

H: It’s only a couple of days, honey.

…

H: I will miss you.

A: It’s only a couple of days, honey.

 

H: Don’t fucking honey me.  And I don’t want no sight-seeing card. If L insists, tell him to shove it up his …

A: Don’t try and act tough. You’d love a card.

H: I would, lovely. To pin above my apple in the office.

A: Maybe I could map out all the places we’ve been?

H: I know somebody who’d be very keen to know.

 

 

 

Tricky: Aftermath (Pt.2)

H: You’re winding me up.

X: Didn’t A tell you?

H: Please tell me I didn’t.

X: Oh yes, Loverboy, you were trying to snog him.

H: How low can one fall?

X: It was amusing, Husten. No one took offense.

H: B’s kind-a cute I suppose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tricky: Aftermath

H: I feel awful.

A: I’m not surprised. I have never seen anyone drink as much.

H: Why did you go to my flat all by yourself?

A: There was no reasoning with you.

H: You can’t just leave me at the mercy of gay teenagers.

A: You were amusing them, no end.

H: Oh God. B is barely 16.

A: After you got home you woke me up and insisted in making me taste your spaghetti bolognese while trying to rap in French with no trousers on.

H: Stop it, A.

A: Which was basically pasta with ketch-up and lots of spicy stuff.

H: Fucking hell. I can’t bear to see those people ever again.

A: You’re gonna have to. You invited them to taste your exquisite foreign cooking as you put it. Like tonight.

H: This is getting worse. 

A: They loved you, Husten. You were the star of the party.

H: Like children love clowns?

A: Like I love you … (kiss) … need to go to work now.

H: Sorry about last night. L would never treat you like that. 

A: No, he definitely wouldn’t … (kiss) …

 

 

 

Suede: Animal Nitrate

X: I think not, Mr Husten.

H: Go on, just the little sip.

X: You will find, especially tomorrow, Husten, that you have had quite enough.

H: Are you trying to dare to take the fucking piss out of me?

 

…

 

X: Oh, Please. Someone save me from this drunken hetero beast.

H: Hetero, now am I? Let me …

 

…

 

Y: You’ve had too much, Husten.

H: I never have too much.

Y: Now you have. Come on, be nice, it’s Rob’s party and …

H: But he … Where’s A?

Y: Gone home.

H: With whom?

Y: Let me take you home.

H: Why? Are you gay?

Y: Don’t … you know better.

H: Fuck you. Where’s A gone?

Y: Told you. Gone home.

…

H: Why didn’t you tell me? Where was my goodnight kiss?

Y: A tried to, but you were ranting and raving.

…

H: Does anyone know, even come to realise, what an exceptional human specimen I am?

Y: Let’s go  …

H Sissies. All of yous. 

B + Y: Come on, Husten.

H: Am I the only one drunk in here?

B + Y: No. You’re the only one whose had enough.

 

 

 

 

Yeasayer: 2080

Remember, A, when you heard me saying I couldn’t go on like this?

And I heard you telling me not to be silly?

 

I proved you wrong.

 

But then.

 

What does it matter?

 

 

 

Jacques Brel: Ces Gens-Là

Funny.

 

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

 

Just funny.

 

 

 

Hüsker Dü: Something I Learned Today

Funny.

How much you enjoyed to make me say words I couldn’t pronounce.

Didn’t mean.

 

Not so funny.

When A tries to do the same.

 

 

 

Bedrock: Beautiful Strange

On visiting high-street (Ann Summers) sex shops:

 

A: Will you behave?

H: Sorry.

A: You’re acting like a kid.

…

H: Maybe we should ask for what you need?

A: You’re making me nervous.

 

 

 

Salt’ N’ Pepper: Push It (Pt.2)

The best lines I have ever written.

Ever read.

Ever heard.

 

Pure genius.

 

H: Fair enough. Take care, sweetie, I miss you.

A: I miss you too.

 

Milena, how lucky am I?

 

 

 

Salt’ N’ Pepper: Push It

How to brutally end an affair without remorse, lessons 1 to 5:

 

(post-coital chit-chat)

V: Anything, absolutely anything you could do. What job would it be?

H: I would love to be a taxi driver, me. Especially in London.

V: Really? Tell me why?

H: Because you can drive your passengers to all these famous places without having to go inside. 

V: Why wouldn’t you want to go inside?

H: Well, obviously I would. But only just the once. It is never as good as you expected it to be anyway.

V: I don’t get it.

H: It would be a privilege, you see. Day in, day out, taking customers to places they want to see or need to go to.

V: Because tourists have saved up money to finally make that dream trip to shitty London?

H: Yeah, could be. But not just tourists. The busy City banker who desperately needs to make his appointment. The drunk who needs to get home. I could help them to reach their destinations, without the consequences. And London is not shitty.

V: I’m beginning to understand. Like we established the other day, you’re more of a giver than a taker.

H: Exactly.

V: It’s a bit like our unprotected sex. You like taking me there, but are too afraid to come inside.

H: That’s an awful comparison, V.

…

V: Poor A. She is so sweet. What would she’d do if she found out? 

H: Did I hear that right? What the fuck would your husband do?

V: He’d kill you.

H: There is nothing for A to find out. She already knows. I told her.

V: What?

H: Oh, yes, luv, she knows.

V: You’re lying.

H: I’ll ring her now and you can ask her yourself. Fuck off. You’re too pathetic.

V: Why are you so nasty suddenly?

H: You can mess with me, but you don’t mess with the Almighty A. Never ever.

V: I don’t understand you.

H: Don’t ever feel sorry for A, ok? Got that? Or patronise her. Who do you think you are? Just because you are so much older and less fat. 

V: I …

…

V: She is not gonna tell Mike, is she?

H: No she won’t. But I couldn’t care less, if she did …  Don’t fucking try and control me … Our “rehearsals” are hereby officially over …  She should tell your fucking sons.

V: Very low, Husten. Underneath the belt. What’s gotten into you? I’ll go now if you want me to.

H: About fucking time. I’m gonna order a taxi for you, right now. I want you out. Out of me house. Got that?

…

(looking scared)

V: Is this how you treat A?

H: Whatever, luv. Get dressed and get the fuck out.

V: The rumour goes you get physical with her. Slap her around a bit.

H: You’re feeling left out?

 

…

 

(on the mobile)

H: She is out of my life, lovely. Forever. I’ve just thrown her out.

A: Thank God. That wasn’t the best of ideas you’ve had, Husten.

H: I know. Thank you for opening my eyes. You always do.

A: (giggle)

H: By the way, did you know? Apparently I beat you up.

A: Ey?

H: Yup, that’s what she said in a desperate attempt to get back at me. V’s friends have told her I’m a wifebeater.

A: That’s awful.

H: No, it’s hilarious. I’m just curious to know where that comes from. You know who started that rumour and based on what? I mean, it’s fucking …

A: She is getting to you, Husten. Don’t let her.

H: She is, isn’t she? … Thank God for you, A … You’re gonna see L tonight?

A: I’m already at his.

H: Sorry, didn’t realise. I better let you get on with things. Anything exciting you two are up to?

A: Planning our holiday. L has printed off lots of stuff.

H: Make sure you go to that bar stroke restaurant I told you about. The one NY took me to.

A: L is not too sure.

H: Fair enough. Take care, sweetie, I miss you.

A: I miss you too.