Hüsker Dü: She’s A Woman (And Now He Is A Man) (Pt.2)

You don’t have to, I said.

I like the big vains, she said.

Really, I said?

The bulging, she said.

…

You can bob your head up and down as much as you like.

I said.

…

Hate ‘m.

With a passion.

(I said you should have said.)

…

I thought you hated my friends, she said.

Nope, I said.

Just your blow-jobs.

…

It’s funny, she said.

…

Look at this, I said.

It’s amazing what you can find reading your own posts, I said.

Can’t remember for the life of me writing this on Fall On Me, I said.

Don’t know what it means, she said.

…

…

…

Life:

It’s the shit that happens while you’re waiting for moments that never come.

…

Alcohol:

It’s the shit that makes you hope it will happen while you’re waiting for moments that never come.

…

Job:

It’s the shit that deludes you to dream it will happen while you’re waiting for moments that never come.

…

Girlfriends:

It’s the shit that happens to your deluded dreams while you’re waiting for moments that never come.

…

Friends:

It’s the shit that happens while you’re waiting for their moments that never come.

…

Family:

It’s the shit that happens while you’re waiting for moments that will always come.

…

Writing:

How do you expect to run with the wolves come night when you spend all day sporting with the puppies?

…

…

I much more prefer you’re intimate posts, she said.

Forget the “”I said”, “you said”" trickery.

Write about what I feel, what I think.

(she said)

I can’t

(I said)

…

Come to bed and be nice and show me again how bears attack people that was so hilarious you’ll be the bear and I the victim and then I want to be the bear and you the victim and you better make it real shouting and crying and all and I don’t care about your fucking beer belly and you love my son I can see it in your golden-green eyes, you love my son and that’s so amazing and I do not ever think I am not as clever as you but we can make this work and don’t you fucking think I am desperate coz I will eat you alive isn’t it time you introduce me to your friends? Your family? Milena?

(show stopper)

H: Milena?

F: I want to see her pictures.

…

…

So here is V M Husten once again, the love rat, the self-despising pathetic failure that he is. Sober. I have been for a long time. Too long. Only drinking in the weekend nowadays. Writing about, well, what do I write about? Where are the times alcohol could make me feel like I was the … .

In my current job, I have to fuck with people’s lives, you won’t believe. And for what? And I am so good at it.

There was that beautiful, oh so beautiful, touching moment when Anthony Quinn, the actor, the painter, was interviewed, after selling another +million Dollar painting to the Hollywood jet set. A question was posed onto him and it went along, what do you regret most in your life and his answer was, not loving myself.

By the way, Dutchies and Belgies, that interview was by Ivo fucking Niehe.

Not loving yourself, hey.

I love Anthony Quinn.

Died in 2001.

…

H: I don’t have any pictures of Milena.

F: Whenever you’re ready.

H: Ta.

The Feelies: When Company Comes (Pt.13)

Note to myself: 

Now. Whatever you Fucking do. Stick to the Fucking. Not. The falling in love. Without capital L. Remember? You’re crap at it. Really crap at it.

 

Just now:

Who is he, she said.

A comedian I sometimes like, I said.

Never heard of him, she said.

Dutch, I’m afraid, I said.

I gotta learn Dutch, she said.

Let’s watch that film, I said.

 

Just before:

F: What did you mean with writing?

H: What?

F: You suddenly sounded very defensive, when I asked.

H:

F: Nevermind. Who’s this?

H: Hans Teeuwen.

 

Just a bit earlier:

H: Youtube thing.

F: I wanna laugh too.

 

Just a tiny bit earlier:

F: What are you giggling about?

H: Nevermind.

F: You’re always so shy around me.

H: Sorry.

F: Don’t be sorry. Show me what you are watching.

 

Just a tiny tad earlier:

H: No one.

F:

H: Isn’t it pathetic that I only seem to be able to write when a blonde female enters my life? And that sentence is a cliche on so many levels, right there and then. It’s painful. I’m proud of it.

F: I don’t know what you are talking about. Stop talking shite. Let’s watch a film together.

H: Fine. Sorry. Which one?

F: I’ll be right back, pick one.

H: I’ll … .

 

Just:

Writing, Husten replied.

Who to, Frances asked.

 

A question was asked what V M Husten was doing.

R.E.M.: Too Many

31 years.

Never understood.

The criticism.

His lyrics sounded fine to me.

Never understood.

The praise.

After.

Automatic for the People.

…

A brilliant band that ceased to exist way after I grew old.

19 years ago.

…

7 Chinese Bros. …

(I’m listening to now)

(and So. Central Rain is soon to follow. Not even so sorry yet)

…

Milena.

…

She will return … she will return.

…

Perfect Circle I used to sing to her.

When she was dying and told her I would join her soon.

Hasn’t happened yet.

I’m being impatient.

I know.

…

That’s a terrible song, she said.

Don’t look so disappointed, she said.

I know you can’t sing, she said.

And I know you really try, she said.

…

Don’t laugh, I said.

…

Don’t be sarcastic, I said.

What does that mean again, she said.

…

It hurts, she said.

I know, I said.

…

So.

Sorry.

 

 

The National: Baby, We’ll Be Fine (Pt.4)

All this helping you, cleaning a room.

Brings back memories.

…

We used to laugh about it.

…

So different, Husten, so indifferent.

(you have become)

…

So chasing the Dollar.

(you always were)

…

I miss how you used to wank me.

I miss not feeling embarrassed.

(about my facial expressions)

…

Keep your chin up about Milena.

10 year anniversary soon.

Don’t drink, just please don’t drink it away.

(we’ll see)

…

(I promise)

Your promises are worth nothing.

…

Baby, we’ll be fine.

All we gotta do is brave and be kind.

…

Hmmm.

(not sure)

What Can I Say?

I’ve had another baby named after me today.

Totally out of the blue.

Another.

Because.

It’s the second time it’s happened.

Both very wrong and humbling.

What can I say?

Hüsker Dü: She’s A Woman (And Now He Is A Man)

Be nice to my friends, she said.

Fuck off, I said.

I’ll give you a blow-job, she said.

Hate ‘m and you know it, I said.

(giggles)

Just be nice, she said.

Can’t, I said.

Too full of myself, I added.

Fine, she said.

 

 

Hüsker Dü: She Floated Away

Had a not-so superficial acquaintance with a Russian woman last week.

Gorgeous girl. Full of life. Intelligent. Manipulative. Sweet. Wanted to play me. Probably did. Bless.

…

Not what you think.

…

Russian girlfriend, ex-girlfriend of a colleague. Asked me how she could get her ex, my colleague back. Wanted my help. Cried too.

…

Full of typical Russian woman-man power relations in relationships talk.

Full of …

How …

…

Nevermind.

It was painful.

Her despair.

As if I could help them get back together again.

Her dishing the dirt. Of my colleague. And a friend.

…

Soz.

But she isn’t gonna get him back.

…

She couldn’t have known about Milena.

…

Milena.

Wasn’t Russian.

She lifted her arms and she floated away.

Just floated away.

Didn’t give a damn what the other girls said.

Just floated away.

…

Well a man has two reasons for things that he does.

The first one is pride and the second one is love.

…

The final one is Milena.

 

 

 

The Stone Roses: Tears

Sometimes.

Sometimes you have to be weak.

And give in.

To.

And be ungrateful.

And be horrible.

And.

Think.

Write the unthinkable. The unimaginable.

But.

My mum is not a nice person.

…

As always.

Lost in a maze of my own making.

And.

I have seen the future in the tracks of your tears.

Of my own even.

Hers.

But.

She is horrible.

Truly horrible.

…

…

My love, mijn liefde, my golden eyes, mijn gouden ogen.

Ik ben het leven en de dood.

…

Ik heb je lief, zo lief.

…

Why is going back to Belgium always so traumatic?

So fucking traumatic.

Must be me.

Must be.

Even tho.

Nochtans.

Ik heb je lief, zo lief.

The Pixies: River Euphrates

“Take her home,” her boyfriend said. “I told you before, I don’t mind. B. really wants to.”

“Hmmm.”

“She likes older men.”

(cowish smile)

…

Lots of things went through my mind.

….

“Not only don’t I shag on command, I need to love her first. And I don’t.”

“You fancy her.”

“So?”

“……..”

“Can’t hear you, the music is too loud.”

“…….”

“Whatever, going home, say goodnight to B.”

…

I pretty much did leave straightaway.

Straight to bed.

Tried to have a wank on B.

What could have been. Kind of.

…

B joined me later in the night. Much later. ‘t Was difficult to find my front door having been woken up by persistent front door belling whilst alcohol refusing to let my coordination to not get in the way of rational thin…king.

…

B snuggled into my bed.

…

“Too tired,” I said.

“Liar,” she said.

“I wouldn’t be able to look your boyfriend in the eye tomorrow,” I said.

“An excuse,” she said.

“It’ll do for me,” I said.

“Hmmm,” she said.

“I don’t like this permission of your boyfriend business,” I said.

“Don’t try your ‘old age, different generation on me’ shit,” she said.

“Hmmm,” I said.

“You’re the most immature and rebellious of all of us,” she said.

…

I laughed. Very loud. B does that to me.

…

In my bed.

Turned my back to her, asked if she had a glass of water for the morning so she would be ok and sang. Sang. A diddly, doodly song with made up words. Her drunkenness was getting the better of her horniness. A hand not that loosely on the hem of my boxer shorts.

I could smell cigarette smoke on her.

…

I giggled. Nothing else compares. The thought, the fear of sex does that to me.

“I’m gonna sleep well,” I whispered to B.

…

“Perfect night,” V M Husten thought.

Feeling her painted nails on the hem of my boxers, scratching my hips a bit coz of our mutual breathing.

Perfect fucking night.

R.E.M.: Perfect Circle (Pt. 2)

Writing is easy. Especially after having deleted that first sentence. About 10 times. Then typed. It 10 times again.

Writing has to start somewhere. Always. With the first word.

Writing.

Always brutally honest, I am.

Write what I think.

Write what I feel.

Never forget your rhythm, Husten, always use simple words.

Why?

I don’t know why.

…

Put your hair back

We get to leave

…

Pull your dress on 

And stay real close 

…

Who might leave you?

Where I left off? 

…

A perfect circle of acquaintances and friends

…

Drink another

Coin a phrase

… 

Heaven assumed, shoulders high in the room

…

Try to win

And suit your needs

…

Speak out sometimes 

But try to win 

…

…

Standing too soon, shoulders high in the room.

…

…

Lost in a maze of my own making.

…

But.

Writing.

Pace is the trick, don’t you know?

…

[I've seen love]

…

See?

How I stun?