A part of me says, “Fuck ‘m!”
A part of me says, “fuck them …”
A part of me says, “fuck her … “
A part of me says, “fuck A. …”
Told you I would keep on blogging.
After all, Jaakie, I’m here to entertain you, right?
Thank you for the advice.
Not taken.
But appreciated.
As always.
Fuisse felicem et non esse …
Told you I would keep on blogging.
If A’s coming back to me, there won’t be anything left on Fall On Me to figure out.
She won’t.
Yet.
…
Not mine.
But.
Your good luck.
After all, I’m here to entertain you, right?
.
Back behind me Apple. After a complicated business meeting.
With helpful colleagues and strange people who are so tuned in, they made me head spin.
So I spun theirs.
Boy, oh boy. How good am I? Re-reading my latest blogs. Can I write or what?
Her new boyfriend.
A.
Still me.
A: He can’t take a drink.
H: So?
A: It gets awkward.
H: How?
A: He just passes out, starts gibbering and being … oh, I don’t know … It was all right at first. Now, it’s just embarrassing.
H: It’s time to come clean, isn’t it. With yourself, I mean.
A: It has nothing to do with his drinking. I feel I’m so horrible to him.
H: You are.
A: Fuck you, Husten.
H: You know you are.
A: (crying) I don’t know what to do.
H: Don’t do this to me, you bitch.
A: But I miss you.
H: Don’t … just … don’t.
.
X: Why don’t you come and join us?
H: Kinda busy at the moment.
X: Who are you chatting with?
H: No one.
X: So come and watch the film with us. Leave the internet alone. It is one of your favourite Leone films, innit?
H: It most definitely is. One of the best films ever and at the same time one of the worst Westerns ever, if that would make any sense to you.
X: I’m not as clever as you, Husten.
H: Exactly what I wanted to hear. The music as well … it’s just unbelievable, too much to take at the mo … I downloaded it on my Apple a moment ago. Wanna listen?
X: There is some pizza left.
H: Fucking pizza. I’m trying to deal with loss here, will you leave me alone?
X: All right, all right, you chose for us to watch this film on Channel 5, then buggered off to your office after 30 minutes.
H: Yeah, well, enjoy. And the pizza too. Better than any fucking Batman film. But thanks for looking after me. I need to at the moment.
X: What are we gonna do with you?
H: For a start, leave me alone? But before you do that, I wouldn’t mind a refill of my glass.
A.
Alcohol.
And me. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, mememolly (though she certainly isn’t it), me, me, me, me, me, Youtube, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
Milena.
My dad.
And me.
God, I miss my dad.
So much I want to tell you.
Show you.
Prove.
To you.
How all your worries were unjustified.
How I can survive.
Really can.
I tried to.
Towards the end of your life. When you thought I was still somewhere stuck in my mid-twenties.
Coz you had forgotten the rest.
The now and then.
Of my life.
But you were having none of it.
Up until towards the end.
Too late.
Would always have been too late.
I hated you so much.
Love you, now.
At least, I’m trying to.
Succeeding.
Now and then.
But I still haven’t figured it out.
Why we were father and son.
I can promise you.
My blog won’t be about my dad.
At least.
Now and then.
Told you I would keep on blogging.
But still haven’t figured it out yet.
